Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
