So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
