Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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