Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
