Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
