the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
