When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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