watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
