I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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