so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
