Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
