the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
