someone get that fucking seahorse.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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