***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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