i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
