every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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