Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
How external is "for external use only"?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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