Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
