Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
