so explain again why im purple
no
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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