based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
