I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
