I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I FOUND THE LEGS
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
