What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
