so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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