I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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