Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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