My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
