She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
