wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize