I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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