Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
