THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
