with your own penis?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize