420 ftw
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My hand turned me down
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
