Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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