And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
