I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
