Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
