just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
