I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
why is half of my head shaved?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
