Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
