Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
