stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
