I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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