So drunk its hurt
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
