So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
