Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
