If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
