You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
