Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
