I could have mohawked her pubes.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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