You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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