There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
