I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Actions speak louder than pants.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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