i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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