that's an acceptable place to lick
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
