Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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