I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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