I want to stick my p in your. b.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
