You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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