your room smells of hookers.
And success
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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