If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
