i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
