how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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