Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
