We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
