It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize