a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
