so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
