just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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