some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
