So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
