I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
