dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
