billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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