I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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